Mental Health Matters: Stories of Hope

An Aspiring Teacher

I've struggled with my mental health for several years. 2019 was an especially hard year for me. I was a grad student and I went through at least 5 medication and/or dose changes before I found something that helped me even a little. I just finished my master's degree, and I feel so unprepared to be a "real" adult. I sometimes feel like I'm walking around without any skin, with all of my nerves exposed, because I'm so sensitive and it seems like everything hurts my feelings or makes me cry. I've had bad experiences with therapists, but I am in therapy right now and trying my best to build up my emotional resilience. I want to be a teacher, and I want to try to be as emotionally stable as possible so that I can be there for my students and be the positive influence I wish I'd had when I was younger. Everything seems so difficult right now, but I'm staying optimistic that it won't be difficult forever.

Healing From Bulimia

I have struggled with less and less nowadays seeing how I am finally coming to terms with it and have been seeing professionals about my issues for over a year. When I was in middle school I was known as the girl everyone could talk to you I was very open and very caring for others. But in high school, I started to deal with Bulimia. Bulimia is an eating disorder that consists of eating a lot in one sitting then making yourself get rid of it by purging it all away. It all happened because I was dumped by a boy who convinced all his friends and many many kids in my school to call me fat and bully me about my weight. One night after about a year of purging I woke up in the middle of the night with my VERY BAD heartburn. I had no idea what was happening, I woke my parents in a hurry and ten minutes later we were sitting in the ER. After a good look the doctor knew what was wrong and before letting my parents back into the room had a sit down talk to me about what was happening. "You have to tell me the truth now okay?" I nodded. "Why are you forcing yourself the throw-up?" he asked. I was surprised I didn't know how he could understand what was happening. After I tried arguing with him about the fact that I didn't force my body to throw up he told me the signs that he could tell with. My knuckles were bruised due to my teeth rubbing on them. My throat was swelled up due to my purging. But the biggest sign was my teeth, they had been run threw with my stomach acid and are slowly turning this gross brown yellow. After he told me everything I was in tears and couldn't understand how to explain it to him. I was a 16-year-old girl how will I explain? I go to tell him about the boy and how all of this started. He sits there and listens doesn't interrupt me at all until I was done talking. He looked down at the floor and raises his hand to the color of his scrubs and pulls it down a little. A big scar was revealed along his throat and he says, "I understand". He goes on to tell me his story how he went through Bulimia around my age also, I was in the same boat as he was at my age. Then he tells me what my heartburn was about. I had esophagus cancer, caused by all the acid from my stomach coming up when I purged. Luckily I listened to my heartburn because it was a small burn in my esophagus. Not even bad enough to have Stage 1. That night I had to face two of the scariest things in my life. 1) I had to tell my parents 2) I had to get surgery to take out all of the burnt esophagus in my throat.

If it wasn't for my ER doctor telling me what would happen if I kept purging I don't know what would be left of my esophagus. Or how badly my self-image would be. I am now 20 years old and healthy. I finished my last bit of surgery and check-ups for my throat when I was 19. Thank you to my doctor.

Making Progress With Depression

I developed childhood early onset depression when I was 8. My mom was depressed and my father was a narcissist. I didn’t understand my feelings and I couldn’t express them. I was 13 when my parents first took me to a therapist after I was sent to the emergency room for self harm. I didn’t have any good men in my family. They were either wife beaters, cheaters, or dead/left. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what makes a man. All the women in my family hated them for what they’re husbands and boyfriends did. This didn’t help the fact that I’m trans. I was always told how awful men were but then suddenly I started wanting to be one in middle school. My dysphoria could get to the point that I couldn’t talk without gagging and throwing up air. I had to say I was a man to the family that hated them. This led me to alcohol. Half of my family is alcoholic. It wasn’t until I went away to college when I met another student in Alcoholics Anonymous. She had a similar family but in reverse. She and I bonded and for the first time I was told that it was ok for men to cry. That I didn’t have to hide away to do it. And that just because every man in my family was bad, it doesn’t mean I have to be or that it makes me less of one because I’m not like them. I still struggle with the fear that I’m going to continue the cycle of either becoming abusive or being abused in a relationship. But I’m in a better spot now then I was a year ago. And I have to remember that

Healing From Painful Family

I developed childhood early onset depression when I was 8. My mom was depressed and my father was a narcissist. I didn’t understand my feelings and I couldn’t express them. I was 13 when my parents first took me to a therapist after I was sent to the emergency room for self harm. I didn’t have any good men in my family. They were either wife beaters, cheaters, or dead/left. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what makes a man. All the women in my family hated them for what they’re husbands and boyfriends did. This didn’t help the fact that I’m trans. I was always told how awful men were but then suddenly I started wanting to be one in middle school. My dysphoria could get to the point that I couldn’t talk without gagging and throwing up air. I had to say I was a man to the family that hated them. This led me to alcohol. Half of my family is alcoholic. It wasn’t until I went away to college when I met another student in Alcoholics Anonymous. She had a similar family but in reverse. She and I bonded and for the first time I was told that it was ok for men to cry. That I didn’t have to hide away to do it. And that just because every man in my family was bad, it doesn’t mean I have to be or that it makes me less of one because I’m not like them. I still struggle with the fear that I’m going to continue the cycle of either becoming abusive or being abused in a relationship. But I’m in a better spot now then I was a year ago. And I have to remember that

Living Life With Social Anxiety

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with social anxiety. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and autism. For the past 33 years (Literally my whole life) I have been dealing with meltdowns, anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I even had to tell my mom what I wanted so she could order for me when we went out to eat at a restaurant. Four years ago, I discovered reborn dolls that were said to help with anxiety disorders. After much research, my mom and I decided to give them a try. When he arrived, it was love at first sight. I took him everywhere with me. He helped me open up and be able to talk to people that I don't know. I can even order for myself now when we go out to eat. Even when I don't have my doll with me. I know that I am not where I want to be with my mental health but thanks to my baby boy, I know that this tunnel isn't completely dark. There are small lights to help me on my journey. #MentalHealthMatters

Coming Out, Loving Myself

Usually I don’t talk about this, but my parents are extremely religious. I am a pastors son and the religious practice doesn’t support the LGBTQ+ community, so I always felt like I’m out of place. When I realized I liked both genders, I didn’t want to be judged so I kept the closet door shut. I asked my parents what if I did come out as bi and they said I can’t live under their roof if I officially came out. Those words stung me. It’s hard still to hide 75% of my life. It’s stressful, depressed, and I was living in fear. I over came that by coming out to my friends and my aunt. They love me and support me no matter what. I begun to feel less stressed and less depressed. I felt better when I could talk about it to others. It still sucks that I can’t tell them my first kiss during my 2nd year of college or my crushes. I remain positive and somewhat confident because I have a group I can confide in.

Overcoming Abuse & Finding Worth

I'm 32 and I've been struggling with mental health since I was 13, going through depressive dips due to childhood sexual trauma. The fallout from this has caused deep seeded insecurity which often forms into self-doubt - specifically imposter syndrome - and unhealthy self-preservation mechanisms. I have earned 3 degrees, two of those at Masters level, but during my last degree at one of the most prestigious universities in the world, the imposter syndrome was absolutely crippling. The only way I made it through was help from my best friend through the darkest stages. It got so bad that my physical health suffered and I got Bell's Palsy (partial facial paralysis) twice - prompting doctors to investigate whether there was an underlying issue, like a tumour causing the nerve to restrict. Thankfully there was no underlying medical cause - it was purely the stress I was putting on myself to perform, while trying to combat the feeling of "I shouldn't be here, I'm not good enough". The nerve damage is still noticeable to me, but not really to anyone else. My childhood dream was to become an academic (hence all the studying), but I had to abandon my dream, to save my mental health.

Towards the end of my degree, I also met my husband. We have been married for 5 years and we're very happy, but my issues have also manifested in abusive tendencies towards him (not physical abuse, but verbal and emotional - angry outbursts, controlling behaviour, paranoid jealousy). We signed to buy our first home and on the day we made the offer on the house, we also discussed starting a family. I've always wanted to be a mum, but I knew I couldn't do it if I didn't address my mental health. We were mostly happy, but my behaviour was not fair to my husband.

Once I recognised my behaviour as abusive, I found a counsellor who specialises in intimate partner violence perpetrated by women. I've been in counselling now for the past 9 months and it has been helping me immensely. I am also currently in my 6th month of pregnancy with a baby boy and my husband and I are incredibly excited to welcome our little one in a few months. I am also near to completing a Marketing diploma (undergrad equivalent) as I've been unhappy in my career and want to do something more fulfilling.

I've never been happier in my life, career, or marriage, and I can 100% say that despite everything crappy going on in the world currently, I feel positive. Positive and mentally strong enough to lend my support to my friends of colour who may need it a bit more now during this time.

So, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it takes hard work and the hardest part is recognising that there is a problem. It took me 18 years (and it's an ongoing conscious effort).

Opening Up From Severe Anxiety

I’m 19 years old and have suffered from severe anxiety my entire life, which in turn caused me to develop depression and an eating disorder. I’ve always been very extremely introverted, leaving the house could sometimes be very difficult, and my grades back in school suffered when I had to take a lot of mental health days and time off for doctors visits. I always felt very alone in what I was going through because I never personally met someone who also had a similar level of anxiety as I that impaired their daily life. After I spent so long in such a dark and hopeless place, I really wanted to change things to become happier by combating my anxiety and everything that resulted from it.

I started opening up more to those I cared about and explained what it’s really like to go through the day with those nerve wracking feelings. They told me that I will always have their full support, and that’s what set in motion my ever continuing betterment of my life. My grades improved greatly in school, I was even able to start college early which was a big achievement for me that further motivated me. I started to not deprive myself of food, and became much healthier physically and mentally. I could think more clearly and started to become so much happier. I also started going out and experiencing more things that life had to offer.

I still have my days with more anxiety than others, but they are so much less debilitating. I’m happier than I have been in a long time too. I suppose my takeaway from everything I have and still sometimes go through is that there is always a reason to fight and push through those dark, heavy thoughts and feelings. There is always a way to overcome the bad and embrace the good, even if it is very gradual with small victories over a long period of time. In the end, it all adds up to one major victory where you can look back and think how strong you really are, when you have spent so long hiding and believing that you’re weak. You can always look forward and see what is still possible for the future.

Battling Depression with Prayer

Greetings! I am 45, a wife and mother of two darling grade schoolers. I have had chronic depression since I was 7 years old. I combat my depression with fresh air, sunshine and karate training three times a week. I also pray multiple times a day. "Lift thine eyes to the mountains."

Finding Hope From Depression

I struggle with anxiety and depression. I've had anxiety for most of my life, ever since I was a young child. From the ages of eleven to eighteen, I was really depressed and some days I still am. I have also dealt with a lot of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. With that said, these things I battle with are not permanent, and there are days that I feel happy, safe, and feel good about myself. The bad days are less frequent. Also, when I was going through the worst years of my life, I often looked for one reason to smile each day. Even if it was something small such as seeing a deer on my walk to school, or hearing birds chirp, or watching leaves blow in the wind. I looked for anything that could make me smile. The little things in life were the things that kept me going. When I looked around, at the deer, the birds, and the leaves, I saw beauty and that is

why I smiled. Even in a world that is ugly and dark, there is still beauty and joy. Never forget that. Life is beautiful.

Getting Courage to Make it Through

I’ve suffered with depression for years. After the death of my father, I went through addiction, the suicide of a family member, and became suicidal myself. As a mother of two and wife of a supportive husband, it’s a struggle every day but I get up and make it by.

Learning to Keep Fighting

I am currently struggling with body dysmorphia, an eating disorder, and depression. I am 14 and I have realized that any sort of mental disorder or chemical imbalance can happen to anyone, at any age. People can overcome it. And others let it consume them. I hit rock bottom at the age of just 12 and I tried killing myself. I still think about it everyday and it hurts more and more. I've tried everything, from therapy, to drugs. Nothing has helped yet. I let what I'm going through absolutely destroy me 2 years ago and I will not let it happen again. I plan to keep fighting, but it is hard and it will only get harder. Whoever is getting told this story, please don't let your problems destroy you. If you are struggling, put yourself first and do whatever it might take to help you get out of bed, or maybe even go for a workout. It's about baby steps and being patient with your mind and body. Don't give up. Keep fighting. Not everyone is strong, but there is always time to get better. I am still working on it and you should be too. ❤️❤️

Finding Clarity After OCD Diagnosis

My story is long and way complicated, but I will give share the important parts with you. I was originally diagnosed as bipolar when I was 22 years old. I had all the "highs" and "lows" that bipolars suffer from, but the diagnosis was incorrect. Turns out I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive behavior with manic depressive tendencies. Sounds exciting, huh?? In reality it can be the worst form of hell. My OCD mostly centered around health. To me, a headache would automatically be a brain tumor. A pain in my leg was a blood clot. You can only imagine what went through my mind when I had the flu with full body aches lol. When the OCD would get to be too much the bipolar would set in. It would begin with the highs (barely eating, no sleeping, euphoria that was nonstop). That part was amazing. But the crashes always came and they would be horrific (not wanting to even move, eating every comfort food I could get in my mouth and crying for no reason almost constantly). It was the worst form of a roller coaster ride.

I can look back on those times now with a clearer eye, as I balanced the chemicals in my brain long ago. I have the most wonderful husband ever who stayed beside me through the worst times. I can only imagine what it was like for him. If my story can show people that there is hope, even through the deepest depression, everything that I have been through will have been worth it

Escaping a Toxic Relationship

Growing up, my parents focused more on how much they didn't like each other than me. My dad was obsessed with online friends and had narcissistic tendencies, and my mom tended to be out with her friends a lot. I was alone most of the time, as I was a very awkward kid and had only one friend to my name, so the only person I could really rely on was my grandma. By the time high school came around, I had bad social anxiety and self-esteem issues. Things at home got very toxic, and by junior year my grandma had passed away on top of my parents finally getting divorced. To fill the hole my grandma left, I got into a relationship with a very toxic guy who saw each step of a relationship as some achievement to win in a video game, forcing me to do things I didn't feel comfortable with and then manipulating me to keep me from leaving. Even before my grandma passed away, I had symptoms of depression, but after she did, paired with my toxic relationship, it just got worse. By college, my social anxiety had reached a crippling level, and I felt so much emotional pain day to day that I would spend hours curled up on my bed crying. In high school I had developed a habit of self-harm, but in college I found myself doing it a lot more. I felt like my soul was dying, and some days I wished that I would just break that way I wouldn't feel the pain anymore. Then, I met some people that helped me realize what I had in my life wasn't healthy and that I could have so much more. I ended my toxic relationship and developed a system of support and healthier coping mechanisms with their help. I still have many symptoms of depression: severe lack of motivation, a loss of interest in things I used to love, long sad moods, issues in my sleeping habits, and moodiness, yet it has been getting better along with my social anxiety. I have found more healthy coping mechanisms for myself with a great support network to catch me if I fall down (part of which is a new boyfriend that is so understanding of my past he allows me to take the relationship at my own pace to make sure he doesn't cross any boundaries). I am very happy to report that my tendencies to self-harm are almost completely gone with only the rare temptation here or there, and that while my family's poor opinion of therapy and COVID-19 has prevented me from a therapist thus far, I plan to get one very soon to help me get the rest of the way to recovery. I think a good takeaway is that it is never too late, that there are people out there that will be there for us so long as we are willing to be there for ourselves, and that we can get better with the right help. The most important thing is not to give up on ourselves and to find the best of us even if we can only see a small fraction of what is there, because perseverance is what will get us there in the end.

Remembering I’m Not Alone

I have struggled with depression for years. But what has helped me is knowing I’m not alone.

Finding Hope through Therapy & Faith

I've had severe mental health issues for 6 years now (I just graduated high school!). I won't share details because it gets really.. dark. But basically, I've suffered every kind of abuse under the sun, plus both of my parents have multiple mental disorders including major depression, severe anxiety, bipolar disorder, and adhd - all of which I've either been diagnosed with or at least show strong symptoms of so far. I've seen two therapists this year, and both have suggested that I be tested for autism. They also suspect that I may also have OCD. So, that's the chaos of my brain. I'm on antidepressants, but what's helped me tremendously is journaling, singing even when I don't want to, and cleaning (which I also don't want to do). Most of all, I am a Christian and my faith helps me so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming at the sky at first, but God never fails to hear me out and give me peace.

Getting Help for the First Time

I am 19 and I went through most of my life never getting diagnosed for mental issues i could tell i had since i have many friends who have them too. My mom always told me when i cried that i never had a right to feel sad cause many people had it worse than i do so my biggest struggle is telling myself its okay to feel the way i do. I went through many relationships and they all ending with them cheating on me or telling me i wasnt worth any of their time. So many people wanted to change me and it was hard since i was so different from people. I always tried to see a brighter side and my family always so a smile on my face. But now that i am living with my boyfriend a lot has changed. I finally went to a therapist on my own and found out i had moderate depression and anxiety and slight signs of PTSD.

My Advice

The only thing the world needs right now is love.

Getting Back on Track

I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was 12. I’m diagnosed with PTSD, depression, OCD, anxiety, and dermatillomania. I’ve also struggled with eating disorder tendencies. For a long time I kept what was wrong with me a secret from my mom. It took a suicide attempt and hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital for 10 days for me to be able to really open up. It was a weight off my shoulders for her to know. As a result of my anxieties I stopped going to high school and I lost all my friends. My mom has been my rock through this time. I’ve found a great therapist who has helped me for the past 2 years. I still struggle everyday but I’ve come a long way. I’m slowly working on getting my GED and getting my life back on track. I envision a future where I can live on my own, go to college, have friends, and just do normal stuff. Mental illness has kicked my butt, but now I’m kicking back.